Hold Tight

Some vivid childhood memories that I have with my mom are the situations when she would hold my hand when we cross a street.  My young brain was instinctively programmed by my mom that the starting point of crossing the street is by initially grabbing my then little hand.

Her grip turning firmer to my young little hand is the signal that we would have to commence striding a street no matter how narrow, busy or dangerous the crossing would be.  I consider this simple yet distinct memory as a symbol and representation of my mother’s care, love and attention.  Though the childhood experience of crossing a street with my mom seem too plain and too basic, I also consider her firm grip as a way of conveying that while crossing the street, I would be just fine.

one of the last two photos I took of me and Nengkoy

On the last day of my mom on her deathbed, I was the one who was gripping unto her hand.  It was me whom she was with when she crossed not a busy highway, not a narrow road and not a dangerous street.  And while she crossed over to Joy and Forever, as if to symbolically reciprocate back her care, love and attention, my hand firmly gripped hers.  I then gently whispered and conveyed to her in a reassuring manner that everything and every people she would leave behind will be just fine.  This too would be one of the most vivid memories of my life.

34 thoughts on “Hold Tight

    • Though it was heartbreaking, tt was neverthless a huge blessing and consolation. My siblings were in fact a bit envious that I had such an opportunity. 😌

      Liked by 1 person

  1. What a sweet memory. I’m so glad you got to be with your Mom when she died. I am very grateful that my son and I were able to be with my Mom when she died. I chanted over her body in the hospital for a day while waiting for my son to fly in to see her before she died. We were both with her, talking to her, holding her hands while she died. I had felt her soul outside her body the day before so I’m glad she held on until my son arrived. She wasn’t conscious but I know she knew what was going on. It is such an honor to be with someone during that sacred time. Many blessings and support to you!

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  2. My sincere condolences. This brought me back to the time I held my father’s hand some 21 years ago before his passing. Even in the midst of the grief and sadness know that you were blessed to be there. Because with the act of holding her hand you were saying I love you and I will miss you always.

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  3. Such a wonderfully written piece. Coming from the heart. Am sure your mom is still around, holding your hand still, as you walk the proverbial busy street of life. Be happy in the countless indelible memories she left you with.

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  4. Sorry for your loss. But you make me realise, why hand holding is essential in life. I miss hand shakes and being able to see the whole face of a person. I cannot get over how most countries have banned those things due to this pandemic.

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